Tinnitus - The Marriage Killer
If you have tinnitus (ringing ears), like I do,
my experience tells me that you likely have a great deal of difficulty
with relationships. Why? Because not only does the tinnitus drive
you crazy, it can also make you feel very much alone. You feel isolated
because it often feels like no one can understand your suffering.
The doctors don’t really seem to understand. Your friends
and co-workers don’t understand. And, most importantly it
seems like your family doesn’t understand. You feel like no
one can possibly understand and therefore you tend to lash out at
the people closest to you.
You need to be aware that the ones you love are equally suffering
right along side of you. You need to know that they feel just as
helpless as you do because they know there is nothing they can do.
They want to save you from your private torture chamber, but they
can’t. All they can really do is hold the space while you
try and figure out your next course of action.
And so, you are faced with a choice. You can continue on your present
course and hope for a different result. That’s what many people
do. The do the same things day after day and always get the same
result. Or, you can actually begin to learn what works in reducing
your tinnitus volume. In order for me to share what I have learned
after 7 years with tinnitus, I need to tell you a little bit about
I had been happily married for 8 years before I got tinnitus. When
I did get the Tinnitus it almost drove my wife and I to divorce.
My marriage was not simply strong enough to withstand that kind
of pressure. The reason for this was that our marriage, at that
time, was based mostly around romantic love. This kind of love cannot
withstand serious challenges because romantic love is like a drug.
Your body produces chemicals that make you to feel euphoric, energetic
and great. It’s the equivalent to experiencing a natural high.
But, when that drug wears off; everything bad that you felt before
you took the drug returns.
So, along with my tinnitus came an opportunity to learn what real
love is. And, as I gained more knowledge, our love grew into something
much deeper than romantic love. It grew into a spiritual partnership.
Gary Zukav (author of Seat of the Soul) defines Spiritual Partnership
as “a partnership between equals for the purpose of spiritual
Unfortunately many people are addicted to romantic love. They continue
to seek it with no understanding that they are addicted to an illusion.
When you fall out of romantic love you think love is gone, but it’s
really only the illusion that is gone. In order for any relationship
to evolve beyond romantic love, both partners must evolve as human
For my wife Nancy and I, Tinnitus was a beacon in our life experience
to help us work towards that evolution. As we evolved as human beings,
we evolved in our partnership. And, as I learned more about spiritual
partnerships, the more I was able to heal the emotional, spiritual,
mental parts of myself. Then my physical world, including the world
of tinnitus, began to change. It was an awakening of sorts. You
can learn to do this by becoming aware of your thought processes,
your internal dialogue, your physical habits and your emotions.
Awareness is the key.
As our marriage got stronger, my tinnitus diminished. We discovered
a deeper sense of identity, a greater feeling of spiritual connectedness
and purpose and a renewed commitment to both our personal growth
and to service. With that said, in order for your relationship to
evolve, both partners must be willing partners and commit to their
own personal evolution for the partnership to grow. Remember, it
takes equal partners.
You can actually choose to allow tinnitus to remind you that you
need to get beyond where you are at now and align yourself with
a higher purpose. You are now being compelled, by force, to find
your greater self and to heal yourself. And once you do, you will
notice a greater quality of life all around you. Your relationships
will change, your marriage will get stronger, your kids will be
drawn closer to you, and everything and everyone around you will
change for the better. It all starts with the realization that tinnitus
is here as a beacon in your life for you to learn to be a happier
person, a better spouse and a true friend to all those you encounter.
Thousands of Chonic Tinnitus
patients have downloaded Paul Tobey's "Six Top Ways to Reduce
the Ringing" free eReport. He is also author of "A Practical
Guide to Tinnitus Free