I received the following comment from someone who responded to a post on my blog. I am reposting the comment here and then posting my response. Why? Because this is very very serious and I realize there are many Tinnitus sufferers are who can totally relate to what this individual is feeling. I want to offer some help in my response that may be beneficial to this individual and to all those who are in the same boat.
“I have just developed tinitis a few months ago, i was an aspiring musician who has played guitar for over 10yrs. I am 27 now and have a wife and child, I am loosing everything through the constant ringing in my ears, this yr i was already diagnosed as an OCD sufferer and i have had various health problems which i was determend to overcome, now this, it has come as a devestating blow at the worst possible time and i dont think i can ever be happy again, my wife and child are suffering through my depression and i feel totally suicidal, i have read about various medicines and tinitis cures on the internet, is it possible that any of these actually work?”
Thank you for your comment on my blog.
I must first say that I am not a doctor and do not hold any kind of medical degree. Therefore it would be irresponsible of me to comment on your medical condition. I can only speak based on my own experience after suffering severely from chronic Tinnitus for 7 years. My experience with tinnitus was not accompanied by OCD, nor complicated by other health problems. I did however suffer from massive depression as a result of my Tinnitus. You can read all about my journey here: http://www.paultobey.com/blog/?p=4
I also had, at one time, an inability to overcome my suffering which led me into a state of depression. I felt like a victim. I went into seclusion and wanted to drop out of life. My wife, my son and everyone suffered around me, with me, and because of me. Fortunately, I had a strong wife who had clarity when I did not.
Thank you for reaching out to me and expressing your feelings of suicide. I know how hard that can be. So, first, I will ask you to tell a friend, your wife, your mentor, your doctor, …anyone that can be supportive while you are figuring this all out. I don’t know what your belief system is, but if you were to ask me; I believe we are souls living a human experience so we can learn something. Some souls push themsleves to higher learning. Tinnitus and everything that accompanies it, including the sypmptoms, taught me what I needed to learn to get to a better place in my life experience. The pain and depression I experienced was as a result of a tug of war between my mind and my soul. As a result of Tinnitus, I grew emotionally, spiritually, mentally and I became a much better human being.
I didn’t do it alone however. I had lots of support beacons enter my life. Sometime it was just a stranger who was pumping gas who would say something like “I’m always great, and when I think it, I am always feeling great”. This taught me that my internal programming (the little voice in my head) was really focused on feeling lousy. I wanted to be like the guy pumping gas, “feeling great” all the time. After all, what did he have to feel great about? He’s pumping gas in freezing temperatures…yet he’s happy as a pig in s..t? What was is that I was not getting?
This was a very powerful lesson for me. That to feel great, I must first “feel” what it is to feel great. Chicken or the egg right? The secret to living a happy life, is “feeling” grateful and happy. You create your reality by how you feel. Your feelings are the key to manifesting.
How do you get there? How do you change your negative feelings and replace them with positive feelings? It’s a process. First you must become aware, (daily), what your internal script is.
First, write down every negative thought you have that you think about daily- the little messages you tell yourself everyday. It’s that nagging little voice inside your mind that tells you what you are currently believing about yourself. List the negative thoughts;(this is your mind’s script, your internal programming)
I feel lousy
I’m OCD – that makes me feel more lousy
I can’t play because of Tinnitus
I’m not this, I’m not that
I’m depressed etc.
Then, with the help of your wife, write down everything that is good about you, such as;
I’m a good husband and father
I’m physically able and grateful
I bring joy to people’s lives when I play music
I bring joy to my wife
I bring joy to my children
Then, go back to the little voice list, and write down the opposite of every negative thought. For example:
I feel lousy – write down “I feel great”
I’m a victim OCD – I’m in the process of healing my OCD.
I cant play because of Tinnitus – I am in the process of understanding and using Tinnitus to make me a better human and a better player.
The good news is that’s it’s only a script and you can change it! The trick is to really become AWARE of how many times a day your “little voice” in your head is actually telling you negative stuff. And for me, it was also about becoming AWARE that my soul was fighting my “little voice in my mind” saying, “hey, I’m really not that negative, I’m actually a very great, abundant and loving soul.” And, because my soul and my “mind” are conflicting, and are not aligned, I physically manifested illness in my body.
I’m not going to tell you that aligning your soul with your human experience is going to be easy. Once you become AWARE of your negative script (your little voice), you can decide to change that script. It’s your book! You are the author of it! You are creating your reality with every choice you make. You are making choices every day! Change your script. Change your story. Remember, you are not alone. Every day, millions of souls living the human experience are writing their own books. Every day, millions of souls living a human experience are making choices and choosing to manifest in certain ways. You are empowered. Right now you “feel” disempowered to change. But you have the CHOICE to change anytime you choose. You must be willing to change and learn everything you can about you.
When I resisted the pain (change), my life situation became more painful. When I accepted that my human experience was getting through this particular journey, I began to heal. I began to feel all the possibilities in my life once again, hence attracted more possibilities. Concious living…is a lifetime journey.
I don’t usually come right out to people and say, “buy my Practical Guide to Tinnitus Free Living package”. But to you, I will. Because in this package you will find very valuable information for you and your wife about the healing process. My sense of it is that there is information on the audio and in the ebook that will resonate with you. I don’t talk about what pills work, or what new device will work, or anything like that. I talk about the internal process of healing and what worked for me. And, because I am a jazz musician who suffered from chronic Tinnitus, I may just be speaking your language.
If I can serve as one of the beacons in your life to get you back on the road to healing (spiritually, mentally, emotionally), that is my purpose…the reason I’m doing this work. However, from your short email, I do recognize you also in need of a professional. Please go to your Doctor and tell him/her you are emotionally suffering, and that you need professional support. Everyone needs support. That is part of the human experience. They will come and go, enter your life at strange times and it will feel like a “coincidence”. But these times are never coincidences. Recognize your beacons of support when they come to you. Whisper “thank you”. It’s your opportunity to learn everything you can about being human.
Also concider support groups for either Tinnitus or OCD. I have a Tinnitus resources page you can look through and see if there is anything local to you. Tinnitus Resources
I wish you healing! Remember, I speak as a fellow Tinnitus patient, and not as any medical professional. This email comes to you from the heart, and with strong encouragement that you visit your Doctor as soon as you can.
Keep Reaching for Stars, and if you do, you’re at least going to hit the Moon!
All the best,